Conversation Starters For Those Who Cant Seem To Find The Words
© David Newton
Saturday, March 27, 2010
Most people who fumble for words to start a conversation, often miss what’s just around them.
You see its not that you’ve spotted someone who you think you might like, its that you maybe trying too hard to impress them on the first try. In doing so, you try out hundreds of scenarios all inside your head without uttering a single word.
Time slips by, and before you know it your target person, gets up and is distracted, and you’ve lost your moment of contact.
Next thing you know, you’re analysing the moment and what that person might have been like to speak with, again all in your mind, and you kick yourself about not doing anything.
So, what’s the answer?
• How do you start a conversation and get the ball rolling?
• How to gain their attention and not look silly while doing so?
• How do you have the confidence to approach an attractive stranger?
Here’s a few pointers to get you going
1. Use What’s Around You For Conversation
I.E. if you’re in a slow queue at the supermarket – comment on that or you’re in a café that has a novel design, turn to the person near you and make a comment on that, best if you do it as a joke, and not as a putdown
2. Have Good Easy To Remember “Come Back Lines”
In comedy, stand up comics use come back lines for nearly every situation. These maybe lines when a heckler tries to niggle them, or a joke falls flat, they will have a short phrase that they can say and it usually gets a laugh from the audience. In fact over the years, I’ve developed my come back lines to include many situations throughout each day, it works so well, I recommended completely.
3. Stop Being So Predictable
Years ago I met a man at Broadbeach playing on the casino blackjack tables, now I was with a girlfriend at the time and we only just had dinner at the venue nearby, she was dressed in a stunning yet almost cleavage revealing outfit, you could hardly avoid taking notice of her.
She wanted to play, and so we both ambled till we found a table and I sat next to a guy who was clearly winning and decided to back bet his bets, as I didn’t know the card game at all. He won time and again, so we got him drinks and he was a great talker, what struck both of us was this guy was flirtatious, funny and even though he was able to talk at a very high speed, he was totally captivating in his style.
Many hours later, he was a great friend to us, and over the years I’d kept seeing him whenever I was in town, each time we went out it was great to watch him as he’s flirt with anybody and start a conversation and draw people into chatting with him. He was extremely generous in his praise and listening to new people, and could offer help to anybody who asked. BUT, you’d never be able to predict how he was going to be when you walked out the door with him, as he was such a great flirt, he stopped at nothing trying to attract interest from pretty waitresses and staff at establishments. His conversation would go from asking if you knew such and such, to recalling dialogue from movies and TV shows. He could poke fun at politicians by quoting their words from TV news items, all in such a funny way.
What I learned from this guy was that almost nothing was sacred to starting a conversation, and nothing was taboo with acting like a wound up nut, which he admitted was just a skillful act on his part.
4. Use Props – Let Other People Have An Excuse To Approach You
Many times each week I get stopped by people who ask me about my tiny computer which I do my writing of articles on, while at a café. Actually I use sometimes a really tiny one than this one, as my PDA (Personal Digital Assistant) is also computer and can do Word, Excel etc. imagine the setting, I get out my little laptop or my PDA at a nice café and before long other people and staff are surrounding me and asking me what I do for a living or how my computer works as its so tiny.
Other props you can use can be – i.e. walking a tiny dog when you go to your favourite café. Just last weekend I was a café at Brighton North in Melbourne and a lady had two very small pet dogs, almost everyone who passed by stopped and wanted to pat them, and she was also dressed fantastically, it was clearly a staged prop for getting people to chat with herself really, and it worked.
Conversation starters are in everyday life, and if you want to connect with people, you’ll need to act like you’re on a mission. You need to be determined and bold. Sure sometimes, you will flop, but based on the law of averages, you can win at meeting people if you focus on getting a result from all of your efforts.
Next time you find yourself temporarily stuck for words – stop and take a look around – you might find the answer to stating the next conversation already before you.